Disclosure: This Father’s Day post is in partnership with Life of Dad and Pampers.
All opinions are my own.
15 years ago on Father’s Day, it was just another day. Sure we got my dad something but that was the end of it. It was just another day.
A few short months later, life as we knew it changed. Our oldest daughter decided that she was going to finally grace us with her presence. Now I know you have heard the horror stories of getting up all hours of the night constantly changing their diapers, but guess what? Didn’t become a problem. My wife had very solid plans for our child and that plan started from the day she was born. Soothers were not introduced right away and her last feed was just before bedtime, no waking her up every couple of hours to feed her. As long as she was not disturbed she would sleep peacefully till a semi human hour (about 6 am).
Everything played out and when we took her home we got to have our full nights sleep the same as before (did I mention, my wife is good). But good or not, everything still must change. You look at your house different, your car, your day to day life. Automatically you make changes to make things safer and to accommodate the new part of your life. You do it without thinking because overnight you became a dad. You became what your father modeled you to be.
I always wanted children and yes I knew there would be bumps (I have siblings, trust me I knew there would be bumps) and without question things have popped up over the years.
First time Father (of a daughter)
Our oldest is a tomboy, she loves sports and she loves school, she volunteers her time willingly and often and does it because she enjoys it. Adults always speak well of her and her behaviour. She is no girly girl though and sometimes that makes it hard for some of our family to understand as not a lot of her cousins were tomboys. It was not a huge issue to us but a lot of family wanted to focus on just girly toys for presents. It was always hard for them to understand her less then enthusiastic response.
Then it was time for a Son
Our son was next and then began the real adventure. Around 18 months old, my wife started to notice that he had started to lose much of his forward progress. His speech skills deteriorated and his bubbly nature dried up. As active as he was, he started to just sit there and spin the wheels on his toys. It did not take much of a guess and some tests quickly confirmed his autism diagnosis.
For the purposes of clarity he has significant levels of autism, is classed non verbal and is a high flight risk. Of course he is full time work for both of us. Since he is 13 and just a hair in short of me in height, he has the potential to be powerful if upset. As a father I have two minds on this. I would give anything for him to be able to experience things the way the rest of us do. Yet I would never change that much about him because in reality, he is my son and changing him would change a whole lot about who I have become.
Finishing it off with another daughter
I have mentioned in the past how my wife is really, really great. Well she is, child three (our youngest daughter, and our last child by nature of medical necessity) was a lovely bubbly baby girl. A sweet lovely little girl who very early showed signs of something called ODD or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This “lovely” disorder causes sweet loving children (often very sweet looking young girls) into a living version of the child from the Exorcist.
Now parenting really became a two parent job. If our daughter goes into a ODD episode, it was guaranteed to set off our son, who would lash out. So every time our daughter had a meltdown, so would he. This meant one of us (usually me) would take him away when she started (or take her away, which ever was easiest). Once they were separated, we would work on cooling them both down so we could get moving. These issues as a general rule could take an hour usually.
My wife had the bright idea of using the ABA that we learned to help our son, on our daughter to help her modify her meltdowns and was extremely successful. It has led to a much more peaceful home and a much quieter drive.
True Father’s become what their children need
Every dad is the sum of their experiences and that our children have provided us with. I have learned life skills I never had before thanks to my kids. They have made me an advocate, an involved father. My children are largely responsible for the way I am. Though it was with some smoothing out from my wife, who was the one who helped make me a father in the first place.
It really is thanks to my children, (with support from my wife) that has made me into the father I am today. Without them, I would not be a father. Without them, I would not be half the man I am today.
The best job in the world is to be a parent. I have been blessed with 3 children and been able to stay home and raise them.
I have been very fortunate to have a wonderful little girl who is my heart and soul.
Our son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s and, although he does not face the extent of struggles as your son, he does present us with our own challenges. My husband has really stepped up and is great with him, on good days and on bad.
You both sound like awesome parents.
I have very high respect to parents with any special needs children, I have 2 girls and they were a struggle and we have had lots of fights and lots of visits to the doctors office, my youngest was diagnosed with adhd and no meds, I didn’t believe in that! so I have lots of respect for the parents of special needs children!!
Parenting is very hard work. I had two children and it takes a great deal of effort and patience but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
Great post, you can tell from reading that you definitely love being a Dad.
You are very inspiring. Thank you for sharing your family’s story.
I totally love this “True Father’s become what their children need” You are so correct!
What a great read , you are a wonderful dad that’s for sure 🙂
What a lovely post. Enjoy being a dad, and thank you for sharing your story. I’ll know more about you all when I read your blog posts.
What a great and heartfelt post. There is nothing more special than being a parent.
I can’t really relate to you having a child with autism,, but you sound like a wonderful father.
Sounds like you are a good dad and have mastered the art of dealing with challenge. We may think that we are here to teach them, but many times they are teaching us many valuable life lessons.
It’s the best gift in the world to be a parent. It requires sacrifices, but it’s worth it.
A loving post in tribute to your children and wife. You are a dedicated father and husband, that much is clear.
You sound like an amazing father and one any child would be proud to call you dad. I know how difficult thismust be some days as I have a disabled sister.You are both extremely awesome parents and I know that even though it is a challenge I know that you love these children with all your heart.
I really can’t imagine how different and challenging it is to have a child with autism, however I believe that you and your wife are doing a super job with your children. All the best for both the parents and the children. 🙂
Nothing comes close to the love you feel when you look at your children!
Thanks for this. True meaning of ….
True Father’s become what their children need always wanted a father growing up its like something is missing in my heart but i love your post
I am blessed each and every day to call my children, “MY CHILDREN”
great reminder. my kids are my everything even though it gets kind of crazy with a toddler and newborn
Parenting is quite the journey, isn’t it. I too, have been forever changed by each individual child of mine and wouldn’t change any of them for anything. So I totally get where you are coming from.
I loved reading this. You sound like a great parent! I have a son and it truly is the best thing in the world!
To me, it’s always a wonderful life with kids!
Very thoughtful post, interesting perspective from the father
Truly a memorable post that many parents would enjoy to see.
A memorable post many parents would enjoy seeing.
Truly shows how wonderful life can be as a parent
Amazing! Thank you
Very nice article.
So impressed that you are sharing your families journey. You are a blessing to so many, with your family being #1!!! Thank You!!!!
Thanks Dad
Have a great day folks.
I think my husband would agree with many of your point. He was terrified of parenting a daughter after our firstborn was a boy. He was so relaxed in that role and thought it would be vastly different. I have been reflecting lately on my own upbringing and the noble role of step parent. What a wonderful commitment to decide to step in and raise another’s child. We are truly blessed to have the fathers we deserve.
Nurturing, caring fathers are so important in young girls and boys lives!
You have written a beautiful family story. I admire the dedication of you and your wife to your children working together to search out strategies for your family. My adult daughter works in the school system with autistic children and uses her experience and training in ABA with her own family. Thank you for sharing your story.
My own dad is the light of my life… he has taught me so much, & he is always there to help in any way he can. I’m so proud of the man he is & I’m very lucky to have him in my life!
I can definitely agree with that last statement about becoming what children need us to be. That flexibility is important!
This is a beautifully written post about how a child changes lives and what they mean to parents.
Thank you for sharing your story. My three children grew up without their father which was very hard on them. I then remarried and my children gained a step-father who was so awesome with them and he became the father they never had before.
Sounds like a super loving family with wonderful kids
Thank you for sharing your family’s story.
Being a parent is the most important job in the world. My daughter is my be all and end all. I enjoy your blog
Being a parent can be difficult at times and completely rewarding at others
Thank you for sharing Carl.
I loved reading about your family and how you and your wife work together to parent.
Becoming a parent changes your life in ways that no one can imagine. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I love hearing a man open up about fatherhood. It’s refreshing and it was a very touching post. Thanks for sharing!
I love your quote that “True Fathers become what their children need” . That’s so true, and every child needs something slightly different than their siblings and peers
best job in the world
No one has to tell you that when you become a dad, your life is forever changed. In the months leading up to my son’s birth, I politely smiled and nodded as well-meaning people kept trying to prepare me for fatherhood by telling me the same tired cliches: “Say goodbye to your social life!” or “Get plenty of sleep now, because soon you’ll be wishing you could.” (As if it’s possible to stockpile sleep for later use). Sure, there is some truth in their advice, but there’s also a bright side to the social and psychological changes you go through after becoming a dad. Read on to learn seven ways your life will change when your Baby arrives, and how to embrace the differences.
What a great article, so honest and heartfelt. Children are such a blessing but parenting can be tough especially with a child with special needs. You sound like you’ve figured it out and you are a great dad.
I enjoyed this post. Parenting, the most important – and most rewarding, job in the world.
Wonderful post, really enjoyed reading!!
Parenting is such hard work but so rewarding. I have 6 beautiful children and 2 amazing step children. I love being a mom.
And that’s what Father’s Day/Mother’s Day is about…. the joy of having children to call your own!
Love this post. Dad’s are so important in their children’s lives
thanks for sharing your story